Cigars, Rum and Conversation
Let me be clear in what I am talking about. I am not talking about prayer groups or Bible study groups. I am talking about guys hanging out together and engaging in wholesome conversations, sharing (not an easy one for most guys) their aspirations, challenges and victories. For example, my buddy Mark and I try to get together every Wednesday (it's more like once a month right now), smoke cigars, drink Pyrat rum and just plain laugh and talk. Because we are both in the Ave Maria IPT program, often our conversations veer towards philosophy or theology, but not always. Last night we even had a funny conversation about what constitutes a fruit or vegetable. Sometimes we talk about frustrations at work or about the lives of our grown children.
A Carpenter and a Fisherman
The point I am making is that there is more to being a guy than talking about sports and women. We need to develop friendships with other guys that will help lift us up, not pull us down into sin. This reminds me of a time when I was a boy and went fishing with my maternal, grandfather Pops. He was a carpenter by trade, but his passion was fishing. My brother Tony and I loved our visits to see him and we would almost immediately ask him if he would take us fishing. Pops lived in Houston, so he would take us down to Texas City which was about an hour drive away near the Gulf Coast. He would load us up in his old yellow Suburban that seemed to carry every imaginable fishing lure, tackle box and poles. The only thing available for breakfast was the can of sardines in his glove box. We would fish off a pier, using shrimp as bait. We always caught something. I even remember the time my brother caught a mullet with an onion. I digress.
Crabs in a Bucket
On one of these visits, I found myself on the rocky beach following Rosa, our step-grandmother who Pops had married years after the death of our grandmother, Guadalupe. Rosa was on the beach fishing for crabs. You fish for crabs by using a pole to move the rocks around and then you net them when they crawl out. I watched Rosa do this for a while and noticed that she was placing them in a bucket without a lid. I watched a little longer and finally I had to ask, "Rosa, aren't you afraid they're going to get out?" "No," she responded, "because every time one tries to get out, another one will pull him down." Years later, I read an article some where that described this crab behavior as the mentality of so-called friends who pull each other down. I don't know about you, but I know in the past, I have been responsible for my fair share of pulling others down into sinful behavior.
Paradigm Shift
We've got to work on shifting our paradigms and reorienting our friendships. I often tell my students, the people you hang out with are either going to help you get closer to your goals or keep you from them. What greater goal can we have than our own sanctification and ultimately heaven?
It wouldn't be a complete post without a quotation from St. Josemaria Escriva:
The Christian apostolate — and I'm talking about an ordinary Christian living as just one more man or woman among equals — is a great work of teaching. Through real, personal, loyal friendship, you create in others a hunger for God and you help them to discover new horizons — naturally, simply. With the example of your faith lived to the full, with a loving word which is full of the force of divine truth" (Christ is Passing By, 149).
I like this. It's very much what women want and need: to hang out with other woman who bring them up and support them in their efforts. It doesn't matter what you do, just that it's a positive influence and doesn't bring you down like those crabs.
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