How Many Times Should I Forgive?

Image from Dinah Roe Kendall

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
In today's Gospel reading, Jesus tells the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. Until a few years ago, I had not given this parable much thought. Then, on a pilgrimage to the National Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament and EWTN, it hit me squarely between the eyes.

Confession and Life on the Rock
Late June of 2004. Stacey and I had set out for our first trip to the headquarters of EWTN and to visit the nearby shrine. Our first full day there, we decided to go to reconciliation. I happened to be in the line for the confessional in which Father Anthony Mary was hearing confessions. I'm not going to lie, I thought it was pretty cool that I was going to Confession with the (then) co-host of Life on the Rock. While I was in the confessional, I caught myself confessing the same sin I had been struggling with for months. I don't remember exactly what Fr. Anthony said to me, but it jarred me into remembering a huge argument I had had with my son Kevin recently.

I am the Unforgiving Servant
I don't remember the underlying reason for the argument with Kevin. In retrospect, it was probably something having to do with daily chores. Nevertheless, what I do remember is me clearly responding to his apology by saying, "I don't want to hear you're sorry. I am tired of you doing the same thing over and over again. I want to see results!" The memory of those words shot through my mind as Father Anthony spoke the words of absolution.

Our Father
The thought of the parable moved me to change my approach to forgiving others. Taking into account the line in the Our Father - "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" - it was also a self-serving decision. If I didn't learn to forgive, I was not only hurting others, but I was condemning myself. Do we really want God to forgive us like we forgive others?

How Many Times Must I Forgive?
When Peter poses the question about how many times we should forgive, it might be tempting to judge him. We shouldn't be so quick to do so. If we just take the reading literally, how many of us would be willing to forgive seven times? The number seven represents completion in the Bible. But Jesus goes beyond that by saying we should forgive seventy-seven (see Gen 4:24) times which suggests that we should be infinitely merciful in forgiving, as He is. The parable is told in that context. If we review the details of the parable we discover that its about the forgiveness of a disproportionate debt. We will never be worthy of Lord's forgiveness, yet all we have to do is ask for it. If only we could do the same with others.

Some advice from St. Josemaria:

Force yourself, if necessary, always to forgive those who offend you, from the very first moment. For the greatest injury or offense that you can suffer from them is nothing compared to what God has pardoned you (The Way, 452).

Lent is a good time to start working on that.